The Popularity Secret
by Cindy Savage
Ok, right off the bat, the book cover calls to you. I’m blinded by its sheer brilliance. No, really…the bright, bright yellow kinda hurts my eyes. Basically, the cover is everything that was awesome about 80s fashion. The hair is truly a tribute to all us girls who spent hours in the morning helping our bangs reach astronomical heights. The art deco sweaters would make Bill Cosby weep with jealousy. And, God, the hip belt, the boots, the perfectly matched denim jacket and jeans…How many wanna bet that those jeans are peg-legged underneath those slouchy socks? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? To sum up, they totally belong in a Saved by the Bell episode. And, let’s not forget the neon title…Ok, for serious, don’t look at this cover without sunglasses!
And, what’s the book about you ask?
For once, everything was going Janet’s way. She was going to a new school, and the kids in the popular crowd wanted her for a friend. But what if they found out about her family and where she lived? Could Janet keep that secret forever?
You’re intrigued NOW, aren’t you?
So, we meet Janet. Dude, she’s had it rough. When she was a baby, she was adopted by the most awesome family ever, complete with dog and swimming pool and they died tragically. Sorry Lurlene fans, the author didn’t include ANY details. I KNOW! Anyway, for the past two years, she’s been shuttled from foster family to foster family and the families have all majorly sucked. Now, she’s being thrown out AGAIN which is no great loss because they’ve been treating her like a modern-day (ok, well…80’s-day) Cinderella. Not only that, but when Janet packs before she’s booted out on her ass, they let her take FOUR articles of clothing. That’s it. And, not one of them is UNDERWEAR. OH. MY. GOD. This family therefore earns its title as the WORST FOSTER FAMILY EVER. Like…EVER!
Janet leaves the household of pain with her social worker, Mrs. Shelley. Mrs. Shelley is actually pretty cool if you can get past the fact that she voluntarily placed Janet in a home that wouldn’t let her keep her panties. Yeah, I still can’t get over that. It’s just WRONG. So, Janet is feeling all un-loved and vulnerable while Mrs. Shelley tells her about her new foster family. Apparently, the Kingstons are perfection. They live in the boonies on a farm with tons of animals. And, key point…they’ve NEVER sent anyone back. Hmm…in happy fiction land, this is fab, but I’m wondering what kind of scary kids are living there.
Oh, it’s alright. Happy fiction land wins. Not only are the other kids wonderful human beings, but except for one girl, they are all physically handicapped. Yep, they are blind, deaf, in a wheelchair, and have prosthetic limbs. YAY KINGSTON PARENTS! There is hope for humanity. But…Janet is completely freaking out. She’s never been around handicapped people before and feels all kinds of awkward. She’s afraid to speak, open her eyes, move around…So, basically what I’m getting from this is if she stays in the house, she’ll have to sit in a chair with a blindfold and a gag. Hmmm…Social services may frown on that.
It takes her a few days, but she does come to the realization that the other kids can do what everyone else can do, just in a different way. Mommy Kingston takes her shopping and not only buys her tons of clothes, but also…UNDERWEAR! Mommy Kingston, you rule! And, might I add, Thank God…because EW! EW! EW! So, everything is just peachy and then, it’s time for Janet to go to school. All the kids go to a school that has a main-streaming program for kids with special needs. I think you know where I’m going with this…That’s right. The handicapped kids AND non-handicapped kids go to the SAME school. The very idea!
On her first day, Bridget and Trish, the most popular girls in school allow Janet to hang with them. But, she soon learns that they call themselves “regs” and “regs” DON’T mix with “crips.” Get it? Cripples. Regulars. So clever. Yep, they are total bitches. But, COME ON…of course, they are. They’re in the POPULAR CROWD. DUH! I wish the REAL crips would pay them a visit. They would straighten these bimbos out.
Of course, they immediately want to nail down the reason why Janet was seen on the bus with the Kingston crowd. So, what does a teenage girl do when choosing between the golden gates of popularity or the loyalty of her new foster fam? Yoooooouuuu got it! SHE LIES. Lies like a lying thing, she does. Tells those girls that she lives down the road from the Kingstons and just used the bus to hitch a ride. From that day on, she walks the mile back and forth to school. Oh, Janet…this is how the mighty fall, babe.
It turns out that Janet is quite the little actress based on her five second interaction with her drama teacher and is given a role in their play on the very first day and made the understudy of the lead. I know it is high school, guys, but I’m an actress and that just doesn’t happen. Also, in drama class, she meets Rad, the most popular boy in school who immediately wants her bad, and the hot, sweet, and deaf scenery painter, David. Rad is from the get-go the creep that we all knew in high school, the one with an ego the size of Texas who is so busy being “cool” that he has no time for things like kindness and decency. David is the boy you dream about. But, Rad’s the popular one so apparently the choice is simple. Janet, you FAIL
So, David is moved to the “friend zone.” Janet begins learning sign language from her new deaf brother, Biff, and she and David have chemistry exploding all over the place. But, again, because Janet is a loser popular wannabe, they stay “just friends.” And, Janet keeps lying about her connection to the Kingstons. But, David is no dummy and he figures it out. And, the Kingstons are picking up on the fact that outside of their house, she pretends not to know them. See, Janet…you’re not that good an actress, everyone CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU!
David, who must be the most understanding and patient guy on the planet, asks Janet out to fly radio-controlled airplanes with him (that’s his other thing besides art and being wonderful) and she says yes. And, then Rad asks her out to watch him skateboard. She puts up a fight for maybe a second and a half, stating she has other plans, but it takes nothing to wear her down. After all, she only said “yes” to David. That didn’t mean she was actually going to do it…
Bridget and Trish and all the other “reg” girls are totally jealous of Janet’s date with Rad. Well, except for Rosemary, the “reg” girl who lives with Janet. But, Rosemary has embraced this very bizarre concept of befriending the “crips” in PUBLIC so clearly she’s crazy anyway. Rosemary even tries to share these insane ideas with Janet, but even with all her guilt and angst, Janet has her eyes on the prize. She’s going to be popular dammit, even if she has to alienate the entire family that has grown to love her and whom she has grown to love. Way to stick it to them, Janet…YOU BITCHASS! [Ok, I totally just learned this fabulous word. My cousin is a high school teacher and this word is ALL the rage among the kids. So, OF COURSE, I had to start using it immediately.]
Finally after days of whining and feeling sorry for herself, Janet musters up the guts to give David a lame excuse and backs out of the date, then there’s this conversation between Janet and Rosemary:
I shook my head. “Are you mad at me, Rosemary?”
“What’s to be mad at? It’s your life. I already gave you my opinion. You did what you thought you had to do,” she replied. “I know you felt you had no choice.”
I slumped down in the padded chair next to the phone table. “If I had no choice, why do I feel so bad?”
“Because you should.”
I love Rosemary. She’s so very awesome.
So, as planned, Janet meets Rad and the other popular meanies at the skateboarding rink which just happens to be the same place David is flying his planes. OH NOES! OF COURSE, he sees her and OF COURSE, he sees her with Rad. And, OF COURSE, he’s rightfully hurt and angry. But, Janet feels SO guilty about it so we should feel sorry for her, right? Not me, man. Janet, you suck.
Back again in happy fiction land, the lead in the play has to pull out because of some emergency and we all remember who her understudy was, don’t we? JANET! So, now she can’t spend time painting scenery with David and instead gets to spend even more close quality time with Rad, the male lead. Well, that’s TOTALLY…rad. Except now, Janet is all angry with Rad. TIME. OUT! Ok, so Rad is granted…the biggest wanker who’s ever wanked, but what exactly has he done wrong? She was the one who dumped David to go on a date with him! Dammit, Janet. Way to unload all the blame.
God, I’ve been waiting forever to make that Rocky Horror reference. I feel so much better now!
Now, if you can believe this, the Kingstons actually want to adopt her. Why? You got me. But, they do. So, she gets adopted. She even gets a cute kitten since all the Kingston kids have their own pets. I have to say again that I LOVE the Kingston family. They are the bestest. Then, Janet gives a teary apology to David and he forgives her. Why? Because she lives in happy fiction land! She, of course, rocks in the play and when the Kingstons arrive to cheer her on, she proudly admits that she’s one of them to the disgust of loser Trish and wanker Rad. Too little, too late if you ask me. Nonetheless, she convinces Bridget to give “crips” a chance and shows her true character that’s been missing throughout the whole book. And, finally…Janet, David, the newly redeemed Bridget, and the Kingston family live happily ever after. Awww…yay. Gotta love happy fiction land!
